Before I begin, please be advised that there is a great quiz that you can take to help establish if you still have a chance to win back your ex and start over with him. Click here to take the quiz now.
Now, moving on…
So you want to get back together with your ex-boyfriend? How can you tell, based on his behavior, whether he still wants you? Men are weirdly and complexly programmed animals – you and I know that, but they usually can’t tell it about themselves, and never take the time to try and figure themselves out. They don’t go in for endless self analysis.
Your ex may not even know for sure why he broke up with you. I’m sure he didn’t tell you the actual reasons for the breakup, since he probably doesn’t even know the actual reasons himself. Instead, he told you some easy line like, “I just need some space,” or “It’s about me, not about you.”
Women, on the other hand, often spend too much time analyzing their boyfriends’ or ex-boyfriends’ behavior. Don’t waste your time on that stuff. There are simple ways to attract your ex-boyfriend and get him back if he is at all interested. Try these techniques. If he comes back, then you know he’s interested. If he doesn’t, well, he probably isn’t ever coming back.
Before you start, decide what, exactly, you mean by “get back together.” He may be perfectly happy to sleep with you while keeping his emotional distance. If that’s not what you want, be clear with yourself. Some women think they can sleep their way back into their ex-boyfriend’s life. But the experts agree that the odds are against it. Try that tactic and you’re likely to appear desperate.
The way you actually want to appear is cool, calm and uninterested. Not nasty, not vindictive, not scheming. You are a valuable, interesting, beautiful, attractive woman with a lot to offer. If he’s decided to dump you, you need to give him the message that you’ve decided to move on with your life. When he gets that message, if he still has any interest in you, he will let you know. [RELATED: How to Win Your Ex Back ]
Love is a martial art, ladies, and there’s an old saying in jujitsu that goes something like “The best way to win is by losing.” No, I’m not trying out some crazy Zen mind tricks on you. If someone pushes a jujitsu expert, she doesn’t push back. Instead, she pulls in the direction the person is already pushing, and adds her strength to theirs, sending them flying.
Conversely, if someone grabs the jujitsu master and pulls, she doesn’t resist. Instead, she pushes towards them, in the direction they are already pulling, adding her strength to theirs, knocking them off balance backwards.
The lesson here is not to resist what is happening to you. Your boyfriend dumps you. OK. You feel terrible, you feel worthless, you are an emotional wreck. But you never show it. That jujitsu master isn’t particularly happy about being in a fight, either. But she acts like she’s got ice water in her veins, no matter how she actually feels.
You must do the same. Ignore your ex. Ignore him for at least a month. No communication at all. Nothing, nil, zilch. He wanted a break – give him a break. If he still wants you, if he wasn’t sure he should break up with you, then this long silence will bring those feelings he didn’t know he had back to the surface. Trust me. If he contacts you during that month of silence, you do not reply. You do not engage. You do not get back into bed with him for old times’ sake or for “one last good time” or any other reasons. [RELATED: Why Ignoring Your Ex Will Help You Get Them Back ]
The jujitsu master knows this. When someone pushes you, they expect you to push back. They already have an idea how this is going to go. When the jujitsu master suddenly pulls in the same direction as the push, she rewrites the script. She changes the scenario. Now she’s in the driver’s seat. This is what you need to do to your ex-boyfriend. He dumped you and he was in the driver’s seat at that moment. Don’t let him stay there by doing all the predictable things that he’s ready for – begging him to take you back, saying nasty things, crying, yelling, nagging. He wanted a break. Great. You give him a break.
Remember, you aren’t doing this to punish him. Not to teach him a lesson. Don’t let yourself be fooled into that, because you won’t ever win him back by being nasty about it.
Still want him back after that month? If you do, then you need to carefully sound him out. Follow the advice of relationship experts and start with some safe, simple, non-threatening, non-emotional text messages. Friendly, but not asking for anything in return. If you’ve ignored him for a month, he’s been wondering all that time what you’re up to, what sort of fun you’ve been having, and with whom you’ve been having it. [RELATED: How to Establish Communication With Your Ex ]
When you carefully re-establish communication (if he hasn’t already done so), if he replies, he’s possibly still interested. What you’ve done by observing the month of silence is to maximize the chance that if he does still want you, he will let you know. You are stacking the deck in your favor by ignoring him, by continuing to live your life, learn new things, have new fun, and by letting him know you’re a fun, attractive, happy person. Your careful text messages will let him know you are still possibly interested in his friendship.
At that point, if he wants to get back together, he’ll let you know. Did I say men were complicated? Maybe they’re not so complicated after all. If he is interested at this point, particularly in the new, fun you who has obviously let go of him, he will let you know. If he doesn’t, then you know he’s not interested.
If this article hasn’t given you the answer you’re looking for, take this quiz to calculate your odds of success.
Hi! We’ve been broken up for over three years and suddenly my ex contacted me out of the blue and has been contacting me these past few months, but he told me he’s engaged! I don’t know what he wants from me. Thoughts?
I assume that you’re already over him with all these years gone by. If not, then it may not be a such a good idea to be back in touch with him because this might only cause you problems down the road — and it’s something that you can do without. Know what I mean? 🙂
I’m 29 year old girl from Vietnam. Pls. excuse English not so good. My boyfriend said we need time apart but I don’t understand why he never said why. Do this apply to long distance? We see each other every two months only but now he wants to breakup. He not answering my calls or text. Is there still hope if I not contact him? We already long distance. What if he won’t miss me?Thank you for reading.
Hi Mimi, it’s okay. 🙂 Well, I suggest to go for a certain period without contacting him first, which is about a month or so. The thing here is you’re not giving him a chance to miss you, so stop contacting him for a good long while and see what he does to get your attention or how he will respond to the attention that you will give him in the future. If you’ve been together for a long time, even though it’s long distance, he will still miss you as much as you miss him, so stay strong!
Lisa, I’m afraid I’ve been friend zoned for eternity! At first I felt there was still that attraction but as the months passed, he actually dated someone new… and still wants to keep me as his best friend. I don’t want to be his friend, I want things back the way they used to be. Have I ruined my chances of starting up contact with him? Please help. Is it too late now? 🙁
Keeping in touch or becoming a friend too soon after the breakup is never a good idea, Nancy. Taking an ex back takes time and patience, and it’s not done by you always being there for him, so I suggest — this may sound harsh but you need to hear this — to stay away from him and move on for now. This may just be a rebound but don’t rely on that fact and go on with your life as a single independent woman and find your happiness again with the right man. I wish you luck! 🙂