Using Body Language to Attract the One You Want

The secret to attracting the man or woman of your dreams is not about having the best looks, the most money, or endless youth.

It’s about communication.

Communication that starts from the minute someone sees you.  Communication that takes place without uttering a word.

It’s called body language and it is one of the most powerful tools you can use on the dating scene, regardless of how old you are. 

confident alpha male

Understanding Body Language

The “science of attraction” is more than just a flashy catchphrase. In reality, there are real, quantifiable factors of biology and behaviour that, when combined, make some people more attractive than others.

These factors, commonly called “body language” or nonverbal signs of attraction are what make that “one guy/girl” you know the one everyone always wants. And, unlike looks and money, cultivating them is pretty easy.

First, you must understand the goal of proper body language, which is to send key information to potential mates about you. From a base biological perspective, people are looking for the following signs:

  • I am approachable
  • I am open
  • I am interested

These are the traits that people find attractive and that compel them to approach you or accept your advances.

However, if you are thinking, “but I am all those things and no one notices!” then the problem isn’t what you are, it’s how you come off…your body language. On the flip side, it could be you or the men (or women) you date.

[Related: How to Stop Dating Losers & Find the Perfect Man ]


Important Body Language Cues and Tips

Some people are naturally good at nonverbal communication, instantly drawing others to them like magnets. Others, need to consciously consider the signs they are displaying when out in public and work to cultivate the relaxed, attractive image that good nonverbal communication requires.

Developing this type of body language begins by understanding what it is, followed by consciously checking yourself to make sure you display it.

  1. “I am approachable”

If you want others to talk to you, or even if you are the one to initiate a conversation, it is important to start with body language that seems calm, cool, and approachable. This means controlling your movement, or avoiding small, nervous gestures and fidgeting behaviours.

couple flirting

These sorts of slight movements show nerves, lack of confidence, and/or lack of control, all of which are less-than-attractive to a potential mate.

  1. “I am open”

At the beginning of a conversation it is important to show others that you are “open” and available. In terms of body language this means setting yourself up in a physically open position.

Make sure your arms and legs are uncrossed, that you are smiling slightly, and that you gaze is focused upward. This final one is absolutely essential, as we all have a tendency to “look down” at our phones to seem busy or important or not bored. However, it also shuts others out, so don’t do it.

One important aspect of approachability is known as “power of the purse”. Women will literally use their purse as a physical indication of how they are feeling.

They clutch it when nervous and use it as a physical barrier, clutching it to their abdomen, when uncomfortable. Ladies, make sure you avoid the former when interested but feeling exposed. Guys, if a girl uses the later movement, take it for the sign that it is and back off.

  1. “I am interested”

Once you begin to speak to someone you’re attracted to, it is important to maintain an interested and engaged stance and engage in behaviours that show the other person that you like them and want to continue a verbal dialogue.

This includes “leaning in” or physically moving closer to someone as they speak to show your engagement. This is especially important when sitting in a group setting since it shows your particular preference for one member of the group.

Any time you talk, but especially when it is one-on-one, you want to make sure to remain fixed to the speaker. To do this tilt your head to show engagement and maintain eye contact. Don’t look beyond them or zone out… this is never a wise idea!

Finally, pay attention to your tone of voice (yes, this is actually a part of body language). When it is your turn to talk, make sure you maintain a normal pace, not talking too fast so people cannot follow you, and not talking too slowly, because it makes you seem slow yourself.

Using Body Language to Attract the One You Want

Whether it’s that girl in your friend group you want to ask out or that guy who always smiles at you on line for coffee in the morning, it is important to consider how you hold yourself physically and what you say without uttering a word if you want to land a date.

Making yourself “attractive” is all about making the other person feel special and acknowledged as well as displaying yourself as confident and self-assured. It may take practice, but after a while using the right type of body language to attract another person will come as naturally to you as it does to “that girl” at the bar.

Need more tips on how to do it?  This recent TSBMag article on body language ‘mirroring’ is a good place to start.