We all know the statistics about how more than 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Whilst there are many reasons for this figure, there is a lot to be said about couples, and particularly women, who focus too much on the “right now,” ending up in relationships, and marriages, that are doomed to failure from the start.
Knowing whether a man is ready to be serious and whether if being serious with you is the right choice for him, is tough. Women often get too wrapped up in the fantasy and the superficial that they fail to notice the signs that point to “Mr. Right” really only being “Mr. Right Now.” However, there are some easy ways to distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Right Now by paying attention to a few key signs.
Who Is Mr. Right?
There is no one, specific definition of “Mr. Right.” Just as all women are different, so, too, is their definition of the perfect partner and his readiness for a relationship. While it is easy to tell the player from the boyfriend material, your idea of Mr. Right varies greatly from your best friend’s or sister’s. It’s all about what you find appealing and how long you are willing to wait.
However, how a man treats you and how you feel when you are with him are important indicators of whether he could be your Mr. Right. Ask yourself these questions:
- Can you be you around him, or do you feel like you constantly have to fake it and “put on a show”? The right guy for you loves you regardless of your flaws and personality quirks.
- Does he support your other relationships, either with friends or family, or try to destroy/control them? If he values you, he values the people you value and will make an effort to get to know them.
- Are you goals in line with one another, or are his life choices and aspirations contrary to your own? If he is set to live the city life without children and you want a house in the ‘burbs and a dog, there is an issue.
- Can you talk to him, or does he avoid conversation and shut it down? A guy who is ready to commit will make an effort to get to know you and figure out your moods. If he seems genuinely interested in listening to what you have to say, this is a good sign. [Related: How to Stop Dating Losers and Find the Perfect Man]
Who Is Mr. Right Now?
Whilst truly defining “Mr. Right” is difficult, “Mr. Right Now” is a bit more straightforward. The type of guy who is fun to be with, but either not ready to commit or not the type of person you should commit to in the first place, is easier to spot. In fact, there are several clues and questions you can ask which tell you that the guy you’re with is not ready to take a relationship to the next level, or if doing so will be a mistake:
- Are your main activities or thoughts about one another related to the physical? This can either be in terms of attraction or in actual events, but there needs to be more substance to your time together.
- How does he refer to you? As in, does he introduce you as a friend, or just by your first name or identify your relationship to others?
- How does he refer to your relationship? Does he use phrases like “I really like spending time with you right now” or “let’s enjoy the time we have”?
- Does he remember important things? This does not only refer to anniversaries, but details about you and your life such as the fact that you hate Indian food or love the color green.
- How does he treat your dates? Are they always spur of the moment and erratic, or does he take time to plan them? This doesn’t mean elaborate meals, but making a commitment to a movie a week in advance and looking up show times before you leave qualify as planning.
The Bottom Line
The true nature of any relationship, whether with a forever someone or just a guy who is fun to be around always comes down to one, simple assessment, however:
Are you happy?
Remember, happiness is relative, and true joy always comes from within. However, figuring out whether or not someone truly makes an effort for you, adds to that internal joy (rather than tearing it down), and makes you feel loved is incredibly important no matter how short (or long) you plan to keep him around. [Related: What You Ought to Know Before Getting Into A Relationship]
Have you got your eyes set on a certain someone and/or wondering where you’re both headed? Work with me to get an unbiased perspective.